Be careful what you wish for

I have lots to say about the Philippines. I have even more pictures, thanks to Chris. But I am having a hard time saying the words and looking through the pictures.

I have prayed to be just like this … Back to Life Ministries. The author of this blog is a girl, just like me, with a love and a passion for what I know is good and right and makes perfect sense, especially when it doesn’t.

I got it. Ever hear, ‘Be careful what you wish for?’

This love and passion rooted deep in my soul for ‘the least of these’ has taken a form I am not at all comfortable with. I am not the serene, peaceful, full of love and compassion, Jesus of my imagination. Oh no. I am the Jesus turning over tables in the temple. I get PISSED, y’all. I want to take some people out. I want to get others fired up. I want to send the big, fat fakes that have turned my Father’s house into nothing more than a disgusting market place running. I want heads to turn. I want people to take notice. Of what? How completely stupid we all sound. We have missed it. We have completely missed it. We talk about the most ridiculous things. We are not smart, or witty, or good, or pious – we are complete idiots who think we know it all but we know less than nothing.

WE ARE THE RICH THAT WILL FIND IT HARDER TO GET TO HEAVEN THAN A CAMEL WILL FIND IT TO GO THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE.

WE ARE THE RICH MAN WHO WILL HANG HIS HEAD AS WE WALK AWAY FROM JESUS BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH WE SIMPLY CANNOT GIVE IT ALL AWAY.

WE ARE THE LUKEWARM CHURCH THAT GOD WANTS TO SPIT OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

Who is we? The American Christian.

Aren’t you glad you came on over to read my thoughts today? I am not comfortable with this kind of passion because it is not like me. I am a fairly laid back, easy-going girl. Ask anybody. And I really hate making people unhappy with me. I am a little bit of a people pleaser. I can’t imagine I please too many people with the above statements. But they are true. I have to say them.

I’m not saying I am right for the way I am expressing these huge convictions that are too big for me to keep in. I am saying they are real. They are true. They are the things I think and feel. And they just get stronger the closer I get to God.

I haven’t talked much about the Philippines. What I saw and felt there. The people I met. The things God told me. Only a little here and there. And I cry every. single. flippin’. time! I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to describe what God did to me there. He made me so much better than I really am. He let me see beyond the surface of things, down to the heart. The heart of worship. What it really is. What it should really look like. How it should really be.

I hear people say all the time how blessed the United States is – oh my gosh – no we are not! We are not blessed. Watch the ones without so many things worship, watch them trust, watch them BE JUST LIKE JESUS. They are the blessed. They are the rich of all things really important. We are sorely handicapped with our perceived blessings. We cannot begin to open ourselves to our God the way they can. We are so over taken with our things we cannot SEE. The enemy has entrenched himself among us and every time he hears someone say what a blessed nation we live in he has himself a little party. We are the blind of the Scriptures, we are the rich, we are the ones who are going to miss it without even knowing it. We are the ones who will be surprised at what we find on the other side because I don’t think it is going to be, ‘Well done good and faithful servant’. No, I think that praise will be reserved for the ones like I saw in the Philippines. Those are the real Christians. Those are the ones who really get it. I think we will hear something completely different come out of the lips of our Savior.

This makes me sad. And really, really mad. Because I kind of love us. I want more for us. I want better.