Will I miss it?

Am I going to make the same mistake as the Pharisee’s and miss it because I think God means something he doesn’t? Am I going to be stubborn and prideful and think I know the thoughts and ways of God… and miss it?

I was reading the first chapter in Luke today and I was struck by how God told the Israelites exactly what he was going to do. He told them he was going to set his people free, he told them he was going to deliver them from their enemies and every hateful hand, he told them he was going to do what he promised, “So we can worship him without a care in the world, made holy before him as long as we live.” And he did. He did everything single thing he promised. But God did not mean what they thought he meant.

And they missed it.

****************

Cailey had a seizure yesterday. In Florida. 1600 miles away from me. On vacation with her grandparents. And I am torn. I am sad. I am mad. I am disappointed. I am scared. I am guilty. I am everything except joyful that I am about to fulfill a God-given vision of missions in the Philippines.

I wanted to call my friend this morning because I knew she would tell me what I already knew but needed to hear again. I called my mom instead, who is just as scared and worried as me because she is my mom. She said what I knew she would say, ‘Maybe God is telling you, you shouldn’t go to the Philippines.’ Hadn’t I been saying that to myself all night long? Instead of being reminded of what I already knew, I reminded my mom of what she already knew.

‘I don’t think God works like that, Mom. He doesn’t try to scare me or make me feel guilty. He doesn’t make my children sick to get me not to do something. He never does that. He would let me know in his gentle, loving, persistent way if he didn’t want me to go. Instead, I feel him sitting back, watching me closely, wondering if I am going to let this stop me and knowing that I won’t. He is rooting for me. He is smiling at me saying, ‘You know I am in control. You know I have Cailey in my hands. You know I have called you to this. You know I made you special just for this. You know it. Have faith, my beloved. Have faith. I don’t want you to be scared. I want you to be happy.’

And I will be. I will be.

I am not going to miss it because it doesn’t look the way I thought.

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